ah-goo

Well that seems to be your first and favorite thing to say.. ah-goo. And what a beautiful voice you have, my son :)

Merry Christmas, baby!

Dear Jameson,

Merry Christmas 2009!

We had a very fun Christmas Eve last night, you got lots of great gifts and everyone was here holding you. Papa, Oma, Opa, and Uncle Jon came over. You are such a star.. I love you.

You of course slept almost the whole time, which made for a bit of an interesting night for Mommy and Daddy, but we ended up making up for some sleep this morning, thank you for finally sleeping in!

Your third week has been spent getting to know you better, your likes and dislikes and your sleep habits and eating habits. Daddy is convinced you don't like clothes.. I'm not. I think you just get annoyed when we try to dress you, otherwise you don't seem to care, and it's SO cold here right now I have to keep you all bundled up. Single digits. You love to be sung to, or hummed to, talked to and held. We got new bottles that I think are working even better. Daddy claims that you ate an entire 4 ounces this morning during his 'shift' from 5-7:30.

You are such a sweet baby.. your facial expressions still crack me up. You look awfully pensive and concerned sometimes.. and then you smile. That smile lights up my entire life for a few moments. I can't wait until you smile more and more.. what a wonderful gift you are to my life. You furrow your brows, stick out your tongue.. I try not to laugh but seriously, it's hilarious sometimes. Right now you're sleeping away in your vibrating bouncer, snuggled up in your swaddle wrap.

This morning after I fed you, I brought you in to say Merry Christmas to Daddy. Here's the video:

It snowed so we're having a white Christmas, it's really pretty out, just so cold.

Today we're going over to Oma and Opa's house for Christmas dinner. I'm bringing a salad, and Oma is making all kinds of good stuff that you can't eat yet.

You are our favorite gift this year, and for every year to come I can imagine.. I love you Jameson, so much more than I ever thought I could.

Love, Mommy

2 weeks

Dear Jameson,

Well your second week of life was mostly missed by me, that makes me sad. I had to go to the hospital and stay there for four long days because I was really sick. I'm all better now, and back home. I missed you terribly, which is probably why I can't let you go now that I'm home!

You turned 2 weeks old yesterday. The days and nights are somewhat routine, you have a nasty habit of snacking and sleeping in tiny spurts at night, then feasting and sleeping for hours on end during the day. We're doing things like leaving the lights on/shades up in your room during the day, making noise etc, and then closing everything up, darkening the room and getting really quiet at night.

We switched your formula back from the iron fortified (don't worry the one you're on still has iron), because it was making it really hard for you to go to the bathroom, and you'd cry and cry just trying so hard. We tried Karo syrup, and Mylicon drops .. I think one or both have worked a little bit. You don't cry as much, and you seem to sleep and eat a little better.

I feel like the days with you go by so fast, and that terrifies me. When I find myself hoping for night time because I can sleep, I feel bad because these days are so special and fleeting.. and you are such a treasure, I could lose myself in just looking at your face for hours and hours on end.

You had your first bath the night before last, you LOVED it! I think the warm water is a familiar feeling from when you weren't here yet. You love to have your head massaged, your face tickled. You love to be sung to, whispered to.. and if all else fails, swung around and SHHHH'd to. I think you like your bouncer that vibrates, it seems to almost hypnotize you. Your swing is still a good friend to you, you bask in the sunlight in the front room by the Christmas tree and just sleep to sounds of 'the womb' or music.

The dogs really love you. Well, I think Sebastian is more curious about you than anything. Kyla is Mommy #2. She patiently sleeps by your crib waiting for you to make a peep. If she's wandered too far and you start to fuss, she runs to you and cries wanting to be sure you're ok. When I feed you, she tries to lick you on the head, but we don't let her do that if we can help it. She also likes to get in your laundry.. that's a fiasco! She always wants to make sure you're doing ok, and we reassure her that you are. Everyone loves you so much!!

Today you have your two week appointment with Dr. Frand. Since your last appointment your umbilical cord stump fell off, as did your plastibell cover. Thank goodness, no more of that! He'll probably weigh you and measure things and make sure you're healthy. I'm going to ask him about your eating/sleeping, gas and constipation that seem to plague you a bit sometimes. We set up an appointment for a hip ultrasound on 1/4/09, Dr. Frand wants to make sure your hip is not too loose in the socket, he said it's probably fine, but he wants to be sure.

Ok my darling.. I'm going to end this now, I think I hear you about to make a fuss. In my feeble and uncreative attempts at singing to you, I find myself singing a little song I made up one day.. (you can laugh, it's ok..). "There was a little boy named Jameson... he's the sweetest boy I know. With his teeny tiny ears and his little button nose, oh how I love him so...". There's a few renditions but that's the basic.

I love you so much, and I feel so very blessed to have you in my life.

Love, Mommy

Dear Jameson

12/7/09
Dear Jameson,
I can’t believe you’re here. I remember back in March, you were nothing to me but a really scary line on a pregnancy test. And now you are the most enchanting creature I have ever come across. I had a bit of a rough time bringing you into this world, and thought people had lost their minds when they say “oh you forget all about that labor and delivery stuff”, but I do almost forget! I promise never to remind you of that experience when you misbehave or otherwise, unless you ask. Not that I plan to do a day to day memoir of your very new life, but I wanted to get the gist of what has gone on since I had you.

You were born on November 30, 2009 at 11:07am. I thought you would never get here! You were just 9 days early from your estimated due date of December 9, 2009. You were born at Littleton Hospital, and delivered by my midwife Diana Buckwalter. (She was great by the way.. ). Your daddy was the best labor coach ever.. I think he might have pushed harder than I did! You weighed 7lb 1.2oz, and measured 20 1/8 inches long. Your head is full of really dark downy soft hair, and you’re already stylin with a faux hawk that styles itself naturally.. Daddy think’s it’s pretty darn cool (so do I actually..).

Once you were finally here, you were plopped on my chest so that I could see you, and hold you. I have to admit, other than being instantly in love with you, I was a little weirded out that this tiny, squirmy, slimy, squeaking thing had been in me. You were so warm, moving around., squeaking and eventually crying a little.. But not much.

I don’t know how long I was able to hold you, just a few minutes and you were taken from me so that you could get all checked out and cleaned up. I don’t really know what they were doing to you over in the heating bed, you didn’t fuss that much though. You LOVE that heat lamp, and even later on in the room we had you under the lights and you just sunbathed and soaked up the warmth.. There were students there, learning how to care for a newborn baby.. That was annoying. You had your eye gunk squirted into your eyes, and then your shots. Vitamin K, and Hep B. By that time, your grandparents were in the room and I know every one of our hearts shattered a little bit when they had to stick you in your little tiny legs with those needles. It was over soon enough, and then you were passed around from Grandma to Grandpa to Grandma to Daddy, and I think at some point back to me.

Eventually we were moved over to the well mommy and baby side of the OB wing. We hung out a while, you had your first sponge bath, which didn’t work that well.. Darn students again. We tried the nursing thing, you did your best. I could have done better. My anatomy isn’t ideal for the whole breastfeeding thing, and going into this I had pretty much decided that you’d be formula fed. The nurses there were breastfeeding Nazis though. Made me feel like a horrible mother that I was wavering on that decision.

You were pretty sleepy, and hungry… sleepy and hungry… poopy and sleepy and hungry… (you’ve continued this pattern to a t so far).

We sent you off to the nursery for a few hours at night both nights we were there in a feeble attempt at getting some sleep. What a joke! I was semi drugged up, totally feeling horrible from all the pain (I wont get into that, like I promised), and just exhausted.. And entranced by you, worried about you..

Our second day in the hospital there were a barrage of visitors. You passed your hearing test, nurses came by to assist my half hearted nursing attempts, Diana came to check on me, and rub my belly to make sure all was going in the right direction. You had a visit from your pediatrician Dr. Frand, he said you are very healthy. Now I can’t even remember who else visited. Of course other than medical people, your Uncle Jon was there for a while, Aunt Rachel, and your Great Grandpa, Papa came by with Oma and Opa. They absolutely adore you, as they should. Day three in the hospital was similar. You had your picture taken, another visit from a pediatrician (Dr. Murphy this time.. FINALLY someone who told me it was OK not to breastfeed), the lactation consultant ‘heard’ I was thinking of not breastfeeding and came back to have a talk with me (good grief!!). We had been supplementing our attempts at nursing with some formula.. Which you guzzled down like a champ!

Finally we were released and could go home. Bundled you up, packed all your stuff, our stuff, hospital stuff. It was really cold and snowy. Your Oma was here at the house cleaning up and getting things organized and ready for your return. I was emotionally and physically run down.. To nothing. Crying about everything, overwhelmed, totally consumed by the “now what!?”s.
Ok, in the nature of being honest.. I’ll just say this. That first night home was HELL. As was the second. Not because of you, not at all… you were doing what you’re supposed to. Crying, eating, pooping, sleeping… over and over and over. I was the one having issues. I was so anxious I couldn’t sleep even when you were sleeping. I couldn’t eat. I was a little resentful of your daddy’s ability to cope with our new life (he is a total rockstar, you’ll see). I am still recovering physically from the labor that will not be discussed, and my old friend anxiety showed up again in full force. I also started getting a lung/chest cold of some sort that has almost been as debilitating as anything else so far.

I almost forgot the “Snip Snip” as your Daddy calls it.. And I’ll be brief because it does none of us any good to really go down memory lane about this. At your first doctors appointment on Friday 12/4 with Dr. Frand.. You got a very clean bill of health, he was very happy that you are such a piggy, and you had gained 4 oz since your discharge weight from the hospital. Daddy and I had made the decision to circumcise you from just about the moment we found out you were a boy. That was a MUCH easier decision to make before you were actually here.. I know in my heart it was the right thing, but it really sucked! (More for you than me!!). The method they used was called a plasti bell device. Essentially it’s a plastic ring fit over your penis that cuts off circulation to the foreskin that is then trimmed off. You got 2 shots to numb you.. They seemed to wear off on the car ride home. You were screaming bloody murder.. My heart was in the bottom of my feet in a million pieces.. I was devastated. You were totally inconsolable and in pain, and in my mind (and rightly so) I had caused it myself. You cried, I paced the floor. You cried, I went outside (it was like 5 degrees by the way!). I think Daddy almost cried too.. He was there with you though the entire time during the ‘procedure’ and said you were quite the little soldier!). I paged my midwife (why?), her partner.. No return calls. I paged your pediatric office.. A very very nice nurse from Childrens Hospital called back and talked to me about your crying and pain. By this time, you were sound asleep. She felt for sure that it was the car ride home, the restraint of the harness in the car seat that really got you. Duh! Made perfect sense. She recommended we try soothing you with a mixture of 1tsp sugar to 2oz water. We dipped your pacifier in it, and you were a very happy boy. It had to be the car ride home, you haven’t fussed about it since!!

Your third night, out of the hospital you went to stay with your Oma and Opa (my parents). They were getting a bit worried about me and my lack of sleep and offered to take you overnight. I was partially reluctant but knew that it would feel good to feel ‘normal’ again., and knew that they would take care of you better than anyone else in this world that I know. Daddy and I went to a nice dinner, and of course talked about you the entire time. I got all teary every time I thought of you and how much I missed you and wanted to hold you. Oma and Opa were of course having the time of their lives with you (but also up all night with your crying, eating, pooping..), they love you SO much. I was feeling pretty normal, after a while Watched a little TV with Daddy (hadn’t had time to do THAT for several days!), and went to bed at 11. Woke at 3, with my chest cough thing. Stayed up til 5.. Dozed off again for a couple of hours, up again for a few hours, then back to bed until 11.

Oma and Opa didn’t bring you back home here until after 5pm that next day, I was going crazy! I hadn’t really slept that much better with you gone, and all day was spent waiting for you to be back with us.

Finally that night (last night), I went to bed around 7, woke at 9 and Daddy came to bed. We wanted to try to sleep together, and only wake if you woke instead of one of us staying awake all the time ’in case’ you made a sound (prior to that, we’d been staying up in ‘shifts’.. Daddy would stay up at night from around 8pm til 2,3,4 am, then I would stay up from 3am til… all day). We slept until you woke around 1:30, and I stayed up with you until about 2:30. Then you woke again around 5, this time was Daddy’s turn, but of course I had to get up and make sure things were ok. Then I guess Daddy got up with you a couple more times, you ate so much! Around 7 we thought you were out for at least 3 hours, you ate a bottle and a half. As we laid there about to drift off… you let us know you weren’t ready to sleep. I think you just wanted to be held. Or your were wet, or both. I stayed up with you after I took care of my chest cold and took care of the dogs, with Daddy’s help.. And now here I sit.

You’re a week old today. One whole week! I am absolutely terrified for those weeks to become months, months to years, years to decades. I don’t want to miss a moment of your sweet little face, even if sometimes I want nothing more than to have a break from everything. You are such a sweet baby, you are beautiful. Even when you do cry, it’s not annoying or loud.. You squeak a little sometimes, and really if I weren’t so exhausted all the time, it’d seem really darn cute. You love to look at people’s faces.. You love to hear my voice, and you are a cuddle bug. You love to be talked to, and you love to have your skin stroked every so softly as you fall asleep. And you make REALLY funny faces when you drift off to sleep, I have to remember to catch it on video, you’ll totally crack up when you watch it later on. You do this kind of scary rolling your eyes in the back of your head thing, then you’ll frown, then you’ll lift your eyebrows, and make shapes with your mouth. It’s totally adorable, as is most everything you do, even when you pee across the room while I’m trying to find a new diaper, or when you spit up all over yourself right after I changed your clothes.. You’re amazing. I hope one day you know that you are.. I will do my very best to teach you that you aren’t anything less. I love you my sweet little boy.

Love, Mommy

Baby time!

It would figure I'd wait long enough to post again, and now I am in early labor!!

Lets see if I can sum it up so far..

Yesterday is when things started to get a little different. I was the most uncomfortable I had felt in a long time, I felt like he or the fluid had grown some just over night. Constant BH contractions, but that wasn't new. Went shopping with Mom and Dad for the rest of my baby 'stuff' (thank goodness!!) and my back was really hurting, and menstrual type dull achyness in my lower tummy. Nothing else was weird or different, had dinner, chilled and watched TV w/ Jason and went to bed. Got up a few times to potty, per usual. The last time I got up to potty was around 6am..

Not sure why it happened this way, but it wasn't until I got totally comfortable in bed, and went to scoot over that I felt a gush.. almost like a heavy period flow gush (yes, I know that's way too much graphic detail). I moved a little more, and felt it again.. my water was breaking/had broken/was about to be a big ol mess right in my bed.

"Honey!! My water broke.. get a towel!"

I think Jason grabbed a towel as I somehow launched myself out of bed (not spilling a drop on the mattress mind you), and waddled, leaking to the bathroom to then sit on the toilet and let it go. Serious relief.. until I realized what it meant. I'm having this baby today!! Yikes!!

I paged my midwife, she's half asleep (it was about 6:15 at this point), and I let her know that my water broke, but I have no contractions.. she tells me to prepare for a long day of 'nothing' happening, and to get some rest or get things done that I need to get done. By this time, and after checking on me about 50 times, Jason went back to bed. I on the other hand had other things to contend with. Like taking a shower, and shaving my legs. Double/triple/quadruple checking that I have my camera/video cam/ and about 100 other things packed and ready to go.

Read on line that it could take 12-24 hours for labor to start.. not sure if I felt a little disappointed after such an OMG moment, or relieved, but that's cool.. I can wait.

Started getting pretty intense period crampy feeling contractions, lower back ache.. was getting going pretty good for a while, timing them at under 5 minutes apart, about a minute in length. Then they slowed down.. to almost nothing. That actually cant be true, I just had one.. but there's no progression yet.

Remembered that I never got any movies for labor (the Ugly Truth, Kung Fu Panda, Neverending Story), so we went to the store. As fast as I'm going through overnight pads already.. had to get more of those. Some donuts for Jason to snack on.. Big lots for a memory card for the camera.

Everything is packed and loaded.. and now it's 1:30, and I wait. Luckily the day has gone by fast, but my labor has all but disappeared other than a constant trickle (or gush when I stand up) of quickly replaced amniotic fluid.

It's baby time! I'll just have to wait.. and hopefully by the end of today, my son will call November 29th his birthday.

We're ready!! (I think.)

35 weeks

35 weeks today, 35 days to go, 14 days til full term.

We have another growth scan today, to check on his .. growth lol. It will be so fun to see him again!

I think I'm officially DONE with enjoying pregnancy. I will hang in there as long as he needs, but not without complaining and whining along the way.

New complaints to add to the old:
No more numb hands when I sleep, replace them with swollen hands.
Tree trunk ankles.. or 'cankles' as they are called.
The feeling like my pelvic bone is about to break in half.
Dull lower back/sciatic/pubic area pain.
A return of a myriad of digestive issues, that I wont go into detail about.
I guess my heartburn was really lonely and needed a friend, now we also have some acid reflux to add to the mix.
Frequent urination has taken on an all new meaning.. I laugh that I used to think I had to go all the time. Every 45 min or less at the moment, and especially at night.
I have to add 'snoring' here, not that it's new, but apparently I'm snoring way louder. This is Jason's complaint, not mine.. but I figured it's new and worth adding.
Braxton Hicks contractions when I have to pee too bad, bend over, stand up from sitting.. though they aren't really a bother.
The feeling of an alien inside my tummy. Gone are the cute little bumps and jabs, now are the bony feet/knee/elbow/hand moving across my belly and it is NOT a good feeling, it actually freaks me out a little.
Constant baby hiccups, but I love that.. it's always a nice little 5 minute reminder that all is well in there.
I can't breathe. No need to expand on that.. my lung capacity has to be minimal at this point. I've become one of those people that have to take a big deep breath after barely doing anything. I feel like I'm trying to breathe on top of Pikes Peak after running a marathon to the summit.
Apparently my rib cage is very flexible, and as cool as that is.. it's as uncomfortable (painful) as it sounds. Nothing like having a little person pushing your ribs out from the inside.. yet another thing that kinda freaks me out.

I better go.. I have to pee.

Hopefully the next 5ish weeks go by fast, mama's getting miserable and grouchy.

See you soon, baby :)

he MIGHT have a name

I think we have decided on a name.. of course just tentatively :)

We both really like the name, Jameson.. and have had his middle name decided for a long time, Michael (my dad's name and Jason's middle name).

We also had another 3d scan, here is the picture collage of the faves I had:

He's just so cute! lol.. I'm not biased or anything.

He moves ALL the time, usually uncomfortably so.. but that's ok.

We're just so excited now to see him and have him! Already took our birthing classes and babycare class, we're as prepared as we're going to be, so bring it on, baby!!!

Rumbly in my Tummy

Lil baby was kicking a lot today, caught a few jabs on camera (at 3 seconds, and 11 seconds):

He's so perfect!

We had our 3d/4d ultrasound yesterday, it was amazing. I can't even try to put in to words how it felt to see my little son's face for the first time. I love him so much <3

Here he is!

Nursery!

Well here we are finishing up week 26, I can't believe how fast it's all going!

Our little boy moves around a LOT, I can see him moving sometimes if he gets really active, it's not even creepy like I thought it would be.. it just feels normal!

I have my Glucose Test/28wk appt on Thursday morning.. I have to drink a bunch of sugar 'juice' and go in to see how my body processes it, to check for gestational diabetes, and they'll check my belly measurement, and probably start checking my cervix.. fun fun. I did find my old cloth tape measure and (WHY!!) measured my waistline.. 37 inches! Now I have no idea what it was before, but my waist has always been around 28 or so.

Today I feel pretty good, I think I'm just getting used to daily occurances of the following:
Weird pains by organs that are being squished
Heartburn
Bladder jabs
Fatigue easy
Sore feet
Water retention
Hunger
Uncomfortable sleep
Numb hands when I sleep
Moodiness
...I think that's it for today at least.

So anyways, as the title suggests, we started our nursery!!! Huge thank yous to Mom and Dad for our nursery 'stuff'.. and helping put it together, that was an all day job!

Let's start from the beginning. We got the room painted the same color(s) that our master bedroom is painted:

Ok, and then we put together the crib and changer, and put the bedding on it and everything, picked up the rocker/recliner

Flutters to Jabs

I swear I started feeling movement around 11 weeks. Most people think I’m crazy to think that… but I swear I did! Tiny little bubbles popping is what it felt like, rice krispies going off in my tummy. Weeks of that turned into more definite little flutters, and bumps, so tiny. He’d flutter around a lot in my lower stomach area, and could eventually be felt from the outside, but only sometimes. Now, however, we have the beginnings of an acrobat I think. I love to feel him move, it means he is active and healthy. I feel it all the time (as does Jason) from the outside, and he seems to be developing some patterns to his activity. I saw my stomach move the other night with some kicks which was very odd to see.. but so great! Kick away lil baby!!

It's a He!!

Well our lil bugger sure wasn't shy for our 20 week anatomy scan.. He showed his goods right away, and he is for sure a he.. we are so excited!

The scan was unbelievable, when they say anatomy scan, they mean from the lobes of the brain, the nubs of the teeth down to his ten little perfect fingers and toes. Inside too! Saw all the heart chambers, spine (which is covered by skin indicating no spina bifida), bladder, diaphrams (I didn't know there was 2..), lenses of his eyes (ok that was a little creepy looking), and the roof of his mouth (no cleft palate). He is absolutely perfect, literally!

12oz and 7inches long, but since that was last week, I'm sure he's much bigger now! Measured in the 59th percentile. Perfect :) (i'm sure that's not the last time I'll say how perfect he is, for the next few decades).

I feel him kick all the time now, I'm really not sure when he takes a break.. Jason feels him kick too. I have been playing Mozart for him, and he either loves it or hates it but he kicks a lot when he's listening.. maybe I have it too loud? I have no idea.

I'll update with pics and video later.

We're just all in heaven about this little boy <3

Halfway there!

Tomorrow is the big 20, the halfway mark. Crazy how it's flown by. I guess lil bugger is now the size of a can of red bull (not that I can drink any of those!). I'll write more on Friday, for sure, but for now here's the details on this week:

Your pregnancy: 20 weeks
See the big picture
How your baby's growing:Your baby weighs about 10 1/2 ounces now. He's also around 6 1/2 inches long from head to bottom and about 10 inches from head to heel — the length of a banana. (For the first 20 weeks, when a baby's legs are curled up against his torso and hard to measure, measurements are taken from the top of his head to his bottom — the "crown to rump" measurement. After 20 weeks, he's measured from head to toe.)He's swallowing more these days, which is good practice for his digestive system. He's also producing meconium, a black, sticky by-product of digestion. This gooey substance will accumulate in his bowels, and you'll see it in his first soiled diaper (some babies pass meconium in the womb or during delivery).See what your baby looks like this week. (Or see what fraternal twins look like in the womb this week.)Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.
How your life's changing:Congratulations! You've hit the halfway mark in your pregnancy. The top of your uterus is about level with your belly button, and you've likely gained around 10 pounds. Expect to gain another pound or so each week from now on. (If you started your pregnancy underweight, you may need to gain a bit more; if you were overweight, perhaps a bit less.) Make sure you're getting enough iron, a mineral that's used primarily to make hemoglobin (the part of your red blood cells that carries oxygen). During pregnancy, your body needs more iron to keep up with your expanding blood volume, as well as for your growing baby and the placenta. Red meat is one of the best sources of iron for pregnant women. Poultry (especially the dark meat) and shellfish also contain iron. Some common non-meat sources of iron include legumes, soy-based products, spinach, prune juice, raisins, and iron-fortified cereals.

Well today I'm 19 weeks, I can't believe how fast time is going! Not fast enough though. I feel the bugger move all the time now, just this past week there's been such an increase in movement (probably strength) and my belly has also been doing some increasing of it's own. Today the baby is the size of a mango I guess.. About 6 inches from head to butt. Jason finally felt the baby move, as did Mom.. I can't wait for it to get stronger so people can REALLY feel it and not just a "I think I felt it" flutter. Seems he/she has stage fright though, I'll feel it all day, then have Jason try and nothin.. funny lil guy (or gal).

Got all moved in to the new house, it's beautiful.. plenty of room for baby!

Anatomy scan is next Friday, I'm really nervous but excited.. stay tuned!!!

Swimmin'

Was checking lil buggers heartbeat this morning, and figured I'd upload some sound. The bleeps and bloops you hear are him/her moving around :) <3


152 bpm... Jason Jr?? Yeah I thought I had the video blacked out, but that is the cord to the doppler, and my breathing movements.. looks kinda creepy! LOL

NT Scan Part Deux

Oh geesh I haven't written in a long time.. lets go back in time a bit (as today is really June 13, 2009).

On May 28, we finally got to have our REAL NT scan!! Totally mind blowing. I still take issue with that 28 oz of water "required" before hand.. even the sonographer told me that she had no idea how I was holding it, and let me go 'relieve' myself a bit after a few pics were taken. Jason was late, and don't tell him I said that.. because he was seriously horrified that we started without him. The sonographer was awesome, got the necessary shots she needed for the NT scan and let me... go... and by then Jason was there for the big show!!

See, last time we didn't even get to see the baby move. It was so fast, measuring so small.. it really was frustrating. It just kinda chilled, and I halfway joked about him/her sleeping..heh..heh..right? No answer.

ANYways, back to this one, because it was nothing short of fabulous! We got to see such intricate details of lil bugger, it's little legs kicking around, arms punching (great...), flopping around like a fish, stretching.. even standing on it's head a lot (must be nice to have zero gravity!). We saw it's little eye sockets (ok that's not very cute at this point.. but still very cool), even the cavities for it's bladder and stomach. All the fingers and toes seem to be there, and the NT measurements were totally normal. We took some videos and of course got some great pics (a bit dark and blurry, but our lil one already likes to pose and wave hello, just look..)

I'm linking them instead of embedding them here, because it takes forever to upload them, just click and view;

Couldn't stop laughing

http://tinypic.com/r/28l441e/5

Look at the face! (if you look just before he says that.. it really is WEIRD! almost like on of the fancy 3d ultrasounds.. you can see it's face (and not just skeletal creepy stuff!)

http://tinypic.com/r/2d17h2b/5

Just chillin (aka not moving)

http://tinypic.com/r/2ufbtl5/5

Work it.. (watch it punch and kick)

http://tinypic.com/r/2ytpaqb/5

Ok, and now for some pictures, I have to admit.. he or she (all 5.4 cm at the time) is awfully adorable.. and skeletal.

Ok this one (shrunk down by blogspot so you can't see what I wrote on the pic), is actually 2 pictures in one. Ignore the one on the right, I'm not sure what that is. the one on the left is the baby's head on the right and it's little back and spine at the bottm/left, and then it's little arm and hand (bony lil thing), saying HI!

This one, is similar, but he/she is facing you, with a little hello hand again, or maybe it was shaking it's fist at us telling us to leave it alone.. but I like the waving idea better!

There the face.. eye socket and all. (head is on the right)

And this is just a profile shot, how cute! (that's all I can think of when I see it, and I'm lacking creativity today).

So that was the NT scan. While there, they also took drops of my blood and put them on this card that had 4 or 5 'spaces' for different tests. The blood dries, and they mail the postcard into a lab, and they are able to do bloodwork to check for markers for genetic abnormalities (a handful of trisomy disorders, including Down's). All ended up coming back completely normal!!

Whew..

NT scan... NOT!

(but not quite a plum..)

Still stuck with the lime..

Well today, by the docs due date I am 12 weeks. By MY due date I am 11w 4d (yes, it matters!).

So we had our NT (Nuchal Translucency) scan for today, and the lil bugger was 2!!! millimeters too small for an accurate reading. Very frustrating, however.. just too early. We go back next week for the real deal, but here's a pic and couple of vids:

Pretty cute huh? I think s/he has my nose. Actually now that I just said that I think it has Jason's nose!


This video is really mostly when the scanner lady (sonographer?) found the heart and zeroed in on it to get a heart rate (158 strong beats per minute!). I giggled in the middle and pretty much screwed it up ..lol..

This one is just a mish mash of baby, very bizarre to see the baby, then through the baby, then no baby.. and Jason's commentary of course (the head is on the right, like the pic).

<3 beat...

I don't think I need to really say anything besides just let you listen...

Week 10

Well isn't that attractive? A prune. Here's some info for this week; How your baby's growing:Though he's barely the size of a kumquat — a little over an inch or so long, crown to bottom — and weighs less than a quarter of an ounce, your baby has now completed the most critical portion of his development. This is the beginning of the so-called fetal period, a time when the tissues and organs in his body rapidly grow and mature.He's swallowing fluid and kicking up a storm. Vital organs — including his kidneys, intestines, brain, and liver (now making red blood cells in place of the disappearing yolk sac) — are in place and starting to function, though they'll continue to develop throughout your pregnancy.If you could take a peek inside your womb, you'd spot minute details, like tiny nails forming on fingers and toes (no more webbing) and peach-fuzz hair beginning to grow on tender skin.In other developments: Your baby's limbs can bend now. His hands are flexed at the wrist and meet over his heart, and his feet may be long enough to meet in front of his body. The outline of his spine is clearly visible through translucent skin, and spinal nerves are beginning to stretch out from his spinal cord. Your baby's forehead temporarily bulges with his developing brain and sits very high on his head, which measures half the length of his body. From crown to rump, he's about 1 1/4 inches long. In the coming weeks, your baby will again double in size — to nearly 3 inches.

Yep, copied and pasted it from babycenter. I feel great most of the time, tiny bouts of heartburn but no real nausea, I think I got away with no morning sickness. Exhaustion is constant, hunger is pretty constant. Actually I'm not really hungry, it's like I have a 24/7 case of the munchies.. never satisfied. Per the doc, I am 10w3d, but since I know when I ovulated I'm still banking on the 10w1day (I'm sure those days wont matter, but in the moment now, week to week, to me it does!).

I ordered a fetal doppler to hear the bub's heartbeat.. boy that will be reassuring! I've been taking 'belly pics' and there's still no difference, yet one more thing I should be happy about, but I want to see it grow! In time.. I know. I just hope all is well in there! My next appt is on 5/21 for the 12 week scan, NT exam (nuchal translucency). I can't wait, but I know I'll be a wreck that day just like last time. I want to remember to bring my camera, to shoot a mini vid of the ultrasound, I hope they let me!!!

Today is Mother's Day too, and Jason bought me a cute balloon and card.. aww my first mom's day :)

Hi Baby!

This should be long and emotional, but seriously I'm just exhausted.

We had our ultrasound yesterday. After working myself into an anxiety frenzy and convincing myself that my womb was empty, I was shocked, amazed, and in love with seeing the lil babe all normal and healthy with it's little heart flickering away. I don't have any words to describe that moment, of course first when they found her/him.. and then finally positioned the wand so that we could see that amazing tiny heart. Ahhh.. I feel like I can breathe.

Jason was adorable, hung out for the whole appointment, I think he was about in as much awe as I was as we watched our lil one on the US screen.. the heartbeat.. I will never ever forget the moment I first saw that tiny flicker. I think my jaw is still somewhere on the floor in that office.. absolutely the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life.

Here's the debut pic:

Today I'm 8 weeks. Not sure why this is so important to me, the 8 week mark.. but it is. I have my first OB appt on Tuesday, I HOPE to see a bouncy blob with a heartbeat in there. I've really lucked out.. zero morning sickness. Nada! Of course that also scares me. I'm moody as all get out, and a few other uncomfortable things.. mostly tired, after around 10am. I'm GREAT and full of energy until then, and then after that it's all down hill, I'm half surprised I can even drive home from work sometimes. No real cravings, not much weight gain yet.. I started taking weeky 'belly' pics at 6 weeks, and nothing at all has changed in them, thank goodness. Maybe when I'm brave enough I'll post those pics too.

Off to the gym to use up the energy I have, it's 9am, I better hurry!!!

Oh honey? There's a line!

3/25/09
Of course nothing about this experience is typical. My chart was crazy, my temps all over the map, many consults with a fertility ‘guide’ basically telling me nothing other than “everyone’s different”, or “sometimes erratic temperatures cannot be explained”. Ok fine, so why have my temps been very smooth going and all the sudden staccato in presentation. Jason said “this is the cycle, your hormones must be going nuts”. Yeah, ha ha. That or my thermometer is broken, I have to replace that thing next cycle. Finally, on the online website where I track my basal body temperatures religiously every morning, it determined I ovulated. I was of course convinced like every cycle that I was annovulatory. Why the negative thinking?? I have to say here, that we went with Jason’s “method” of timing intercourse, or baby dancing as they call it in my buddy group online. Instead of the 2 to 3 days during which I thought were “fertile”, he proposed a no holds barred, no excuses ‘boom boom’ spree lasting around 9 or 10 days. He was convinced we merely had had our timing off in previous cycles, though I was able to show him charts and graphs and temperatures and … very sterile reasons for when and why we needed to baby dance. So I went with it, not a bad deal anyways.


And then we wait. Continue temperature taking, hope it stays high, recalculate for lack of sleep, early waking times etc. And we wait.. Can’t test until over a week past ovulation, and is recommended that I even wait 2 weeks. Around 9 days past ovulation I caved. I busted out the “Internet Cheapies” and peed. Nothing. White as the driven snow. Ok fine. Why am I cramping like I’m about to start my period? How annoying. Another day goes by, another pure white negative. Cramping.. That darn witch, she’s showing early! Weird that my boobs aren’t sore yet, they usually are right after I ovulate. Can we see where this is going?


Day 11. Peed on another IC, I got a squinter, you know.. One of those ‘is it there? Is it a shadow? Am I seeing things?’ and I held it to about 10 different lights, splayed it against white backgrounds, black backgrounds, compared with my snow white tests.. There’s *something*.. So I take a pic.

Ghost line.. can you see it?

Tweaked a bit with contrast on photoshop and there’s really a *something* there. Posted online for other fertility buddies to comment on, they see something ‘maybe’. Argh! So I sent Jason out to buy First Response Early Result (FRER) tests. Ok, the deal with these is that they pick up pregnancy hormone 5 days earlier than most, 5 days before a missed period. Considering my luteal phase (period of time between ovulation and my period) is around 12 days, I figure if something’s there, one of these babies will pick it up, there’s a reason they are referred to as “pulling out the big guns”. He gets home from the store with my big guns, I know I should wait until morning, for the most concentrated urine. I can’t. I rip open the bag and grab the box, of course they’re store brand, the cheap ones.. I read. “Early Pregnancy Test; can detect the pregnancy hormone as soon as 1 day after a missed period”. AFTER?? WHAT!? I wasn’t due for my period for days, they weren’t the right ones, they weren’t the big guns! So I get over that a little, and still can’t resist peeing on one, and I do. Of course.. Stark white. White as the driven snow, all but the control line like one big pink beady eye staring at me telling me “I told you so”. Argh. I grumble back downstairs, look of course again in different light, and lay on the kitchen counter, grumbling all the way back upstairs that it’s the wrong kind of test, there’s no way it would even show if I was pregnant cuz it’s the WRONG test (can you sense my grumbling?) and I plop myself here, in front of the computer to go online to look at OTHER peoples pregnancy tests to see if they had found a line of their own to gush about. A few minutes later, my life changed.


“Ohh honeyyyy?” (Jason said with a sing song sarcastic I told you so tone.. Can you hear it?). “There’s a line..”. Oh whatever.. I’m sure he thinks the control line is the test line anyways. “No, there can’t be. Honey.” (grumble..). “Yes there iiiiiiis. Told you!”. FINE. I’ll go look so I can say THIS is where a line should be, see how it’s not there!? And I (secretly hoping I was wrong) marched over to it, whipped it off the counter and there is a line. No, not a line… two lines. It’s positive. Oh. My. God. Seriously!?

Oh honey.. there's a line pic:



I have no idea at this point how many tests I’ve taken since then, of course that was only one test in a 2 pack, so I took the next the next morning. I have a cabinet full of internet cheapies and kept taking them as well. Lines.. More lines.. Faint squinters but I was seeing lines. On Thursday, the 26th I went to work, I even brought one of my Ics with me with a faint faint line to stare at while I was there. I want to buy some big guns. I NEED to see a real line! And then there was a blizzard. We shut down at 11, and I slipped and slid my way home, but of course stopped at the grocery store as it was still open. As people were stockpiling on food and necessities, I headed for the pregnancy test aisle. They were out of them! I grabbed a box of 2 Answer brand (FRER rip-offs) and made sure it said something to the effect of testing 5 days BEFORE a missed period. SOOO excited to get home and pee, I call Jason to see if he’d made it home from work safely, and he is hungry.. Boy so am I, and we meet to share some pizza (and an eggplant parm sandwich for me), and I head to the restroom and pee on the stick I had stuffed in my jacket pocket and came out to eat. Nervously sitting there, wondering how my lines would look, a break in the conversation meant a break for me to slyly pull the test out of my pocket JUST SO.. To take a peek at the test. Faint line! Fat, pink, pretty, but faint line! Oh boy, this might be true .. It is true. Oh god.

The pizza test:



More and more Internet Cheapies later (I had like 20 of them.. How could I resist), and finally a box of REAL FRERs.. Here I am. Dark lines on Internet Cheapies and FRERs. Did I say omg yet? I’m pregnant. I’m scared. I’m ecstatic. I’m scared. I’m so excited to make Jason a father. What if something goes wrong? What if it’s not real? Holy cow my boobs hurt and I’m in a bitchy weepy mood from hell.

And more...just to make sure

3/29/09
Today I’m 15DPO, of course I had ONE more FRER, it was dark… ahhh.. Relief. Period was due 3 days ago now, and I’m as regular as regular can be. So far so good. My nipples sting, my stomach is bloaty and crampy, I’m seriously irritated with life, and in the next moment completely in love with everything all at once. I think I have a headache, and then notice how tired I am. Exhausted. Where did that fantastical energy I was feeling this morning go? Into my uterus most likely. Lucky little bugger. My mom has been calling it a ‘bugger’, and I’m just not sure what else to say about something the size of the period at the end of this sentence. Certainly not “baby”. So it’s a little bugger.. And that little bugger better stay put until I no longer need to grow it under my heart, but out here in the world I’m choosing to provide for it. Oh man this is going to be interesting.