Of course nothing about this experience is typical. My chart was crazy, my temps all over the map, many consults with a fertility ‘guide’ basically telling me nothing other than “everyone’s different”, or “sometimes erratic temperatures cannot be explained”. Ok fine, so why have my temps been very smooth going and all the sudden staccato in presentation. Jason said “this is the cycle, your hormones must be going nuts”. Yeah, ha ha. That or my thermometer is broken, I have to replace that thing next cycle. Finally, on the online website where I track my basal body temperatures religiously every morning, it determined I ovulated. I was of course convinced like every cycle that I was annovulatory. Why the negative thinking?? I have to say here, that we went with Jason’s “method” of timing intercourse, or baby dancing as they call it in my buddy group online. Instead of the 2 to 3 days during which I thought were “fertile”, he proposed a no holds barred, no excuses ‘boom boom’ spree lasting around 9 or 10 days. He was convinced we merely had had our timing off in previous cycles, though I was able to show him charts and graphs and temperatures and … very sterile reasons for when and why we needed to baby dance. So I went with it, not a bad deal anyways.
And then we wait. Continue temperature taking, hope it stays high, recalculate for lack of sleep, early waking times etc. And we wait.. Can’t test until over a week past ovulation, and is recommended that I even wait 2 weeks. Around 9 days past ovulation I caved. I busted out the “Internet Cheapies” and peed. Nothing. White as the driven snow. Ok fine. Why am I cramping like I’m about to start my period? How annoying. Another day goes by, another pure white negative. Cramping.. That darn witch, she’s showing early! Weird that my boobs aren’t sore yet, they usually are right after I ovulate. Can we see where this is going?
Day 11. Peed on another IC, I got a squinter, you know.. One of those ‘is it there? Is it a shadow? Am I seeing things?’ and I held it to about 10 different lights, splayed it against white backgrounds, black backgrounds, compared with my snow white tests.. There’s *something*.. So I take a pic.
Ghost line.. can you see it?
Tweaked a bit with contrast on photoshop and there’s really a *something* there. Posted online for other fertility buddies to comment on, they see something ‘maybe’. Argh! So I sent Jason out to buy First Response Early Result (FRER) tests. Ok, the deal with these is that they pick up pregnancy hormone 5 days earlier than most, 5 days before a missed period. Considering my luteal phase (period of time between ovulation and my period) is around 12 days, I figure if something’s there, one of these babies will pick it up, there’s a reason they are referred to as “pulling out the big guns”. He gets home from the store with my big guns, I know I should wait until morning, for the most concentrated urine. I can’t. I rip open the bag and grab the box, of course they’re store brand, the cheap ones.. I read. “Early Pregnancy Test; can detect the pregnancy hormone as soon as 1 day after a missed period”. AFTER?? WHAT!? I wasn’t due for my period for days, they weren’t the right ones, they weren’t the big guns! So I get over that a little, and still can’t resist peeing on one, and I do. Of course.. Stark white. White as the driven snow, all but the control line like one big pink beady eye staring at me telling me “I told you so”. Argh. I grumble back downstairs, look of course again in different light, and lay on the kitchen counter, grumbling all the way back upstairs that it’s the wrong kind of test, there’s no way it would even show if I was pregnant cuz it’s the WRONG test (can you sense my grumbling?) and I plop myself here, in front of the computer to go online to look at OTHER peoples pregnancy tests to see if they had found a line of their own to gush about. A few minutes later, my life changed.
“Ohh honeyyyy?” (Jason said with a sing song sarcastic I told you so tone.. Can you hear it?). “There’s a line..”. Oh whatever.. I’m sure he thinks the control line is the test line anyways. “No, there can’t be. Honey.” (grumble..). “Yes there iiiiiiis. Told you!”. FINE. I’ll go look so I can say THIS is where a line should be, see how it’s not there!? And I (secretly hoping I was wrong) marched over to it, whipped it off the counter and there is a line. No, not a line… two lines. It’s positive. Oh. My. God. Seriously!?
Oh honey.. there's a line pic:
I have no idea at this point how many tests I’ve taken since then, of course that was only one test in a 2 pack, so I took the next the next morning. I have a cabinet full of internet cheapies and kept taking them as well. Lines.. More lines.. Faint squinters but I was seeing lines. On Thursday, the 26th I went to work, I even brought one of my Ics with me with a faint faint line to stare at while I was there. I want to buy some big guns. I NEED to see a real line! And then there was a blizzard. We shut down at 11, and I slipped and slid my way home, but of course stopped at the grocery store as it was still open. As people were stockpiling on food and necessities, I headed for the pregnancy test aisle. They were out of them! I grabbed a box of 2 Answer brand (FRER rip-offs) and made sure it said something to the effect of testing 5 days BEFORE a missed period. SOOO excited to get home and pee, I call Jason to see if he’d made it home from work safely, and he is hungry.. Boy so am I, and we meet to share some pizza (and an eggplant parm sandwich for me), and I head to the restroom and pee on the stick I had stuffed in my jacket pocket and came out to eat. Nervously sitting there, wondering how my lines would look, a break in the conversation meant a break for me to slyly pull the test out of my pocket JUST SO.. To take a peek at the test. Faint line! Fat, pink, pretty, but faint line! Oh boy, this might be true .. It is true. Oh god.
The pizza test:
More and more Internet Cheapies later (I had like 20 of them.. How could I resist), and finally a box of REAL FRERs.. Here I am. Dark lines on Internet Cheapies and FRERs. Did I say omg yet? I’m pregnant. I’m scared. I’m ecstatic. I’m scared. I’m so excited to make Jason a father. What if something goes wrong? What if it’s not real? Holy cow my boobs hurt and I’m in a bitchy weepy mood from hell.
And more...just to make sure
3/29/09
Today I’m 15DPO, of course I had ONE more FRER, it was dark… ahhh.. Relief. Period was due 3 days ago now, and I’m as regular as regular can be. So far so good. My nipples sting, my stomach is bloaty and crampy, I’m seriously irritated with life, and in the next moment completely in love with everything all at once. I think I have a headache, and then notice how tired I am. Exhausted. Where did that fantastical energy I was feeling this morning go? Into my uterus most likely. Lucky little bugger. My mom has been calling it a ‘bugger’, and I’m just not sure what else to say about something the size of the period at the end of this sentence. Certainly not “baby”. So it’s a little bugger.. And that little bugger better stay put until I no longer need to grow it under my heart, but out here in the world I’m choosing to provide for it. Oh man this is going to be interesting.
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