4!!

Dear Jameson,

Hello my sweet boy!

Oh my goodness how do I even catch up with all that is you now.

You haven't used a pacifier since that dentist appointment I wrote about last time I posted, it broke my heart more than it did yours I think, but we're all over that now.

You are also now FULLY POTTY TRAINED!!! Geeze that was a tough one for you, you are so stubborn!

You're sleeping really well, other than some random 6 week bout of waking 5ish times through the night.  Not sure what was up with that, but it was brutal!  How did we ever survive your newborn phase?

You eat really well too, you're just a normal picky toddler.  You surprise me sometimes, and I need to remember to keep offering you new things, even though 99% of the time you may not like them, that 1% got you started eating asparagus of all things, so we'll keep on trying :)  You love having a tortilla with cheese for breakfast, grapes, sometimes pancakes, eggs, or a breakfast sandwich. Your all time love is still mac n cheese, followed by a close second-Pizza!  You actually like a lot of different fruits- watermelon, grapes, kiwi, pineapple, apples, mixed fruit cups, applesauce.  I don't think you like oranges, that's ok I don't either.

You're talking like a little adult now of course.  You constantly say things and I'm like "What did you just say!?" because you blow my mind all the time.  Just the other day (you have a little cold right now), I had to take your temperature so I took mine first.  I told you mine and asked you what you thought yours was going to be and you said "It's going to be '4 without a cold!'", we both laughed hysterically.  You're so smart, and so funny!

You're also so sweet, that tender heart of yours is still just as sweet and tender as it's always been.  It brings me to tears sometimes how out of nowhere you'll stop what you're doing and run over to me and grab me in a hug and say "I love you mama", for absolutely no reason (other than you are just so freakin' happy and because you love me! :) ).

You still say "anything" in place of "nothing", though I think that's changing.  If I ask you what you just did (when you have a look of trouble on your face), you'll say "Anything!", it's so funny (usually.).
I was trying to get you to stop saying "yeah" "yep" "nah" and "nope" and now you correct me or anyone else around you if we say it.  Apparently we all say those words a LOT.  Thanks for reminding me 100 x a day.

We've taken you to several movies now, you just love them. Your first was Monsters Inc, and that didn't go over so well but recently you've seen Planes, Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs, Free Birds, and Frozen.  Oma and Opa took you to an Imax too, and you loved it.

On a sad note, we lost one of our pups in August.  It broke mommy's heart, and it was really hard to navigate my own grief while trying to tend to yours. I hope I helped you through it ok, I hope I was as sensitive to your feelings as I should have been.  Sometimes I have a hard time taking care of both me AND you 100%, you definitely get the better of it, but some things in life are a little overwhelming so I just hope that as we go on with life and things that happen that I'm there to guide you in the best way ever.  As sad as it is, I do have to make note of how much you helped me that awful day.

It was a Monday, early in the day around 11 or so.  We were watching transformers on the computer (you reminded me of this later) and we heard some funny noises going on in the bedroom, so I ran in there to see what was going on.  Poor sweet Kyla was stumbling around and unable to walk very well, so I ran to her and pulled her down with me to the floor and rubbed her little face and told her it was ok.  You ran in with me, and you were the best little helper I could have asked for.  I yelled for you to grab my phone, and you did it in what seemed like half a second!  I then yelled for you to put Sebastian outside, and you did, just like that, no problem.  I don't need to go into the rest of the details of that day here that had nothing to do with YOU, but lets fast forward a few hours.  We ended p finding out that we'd lose Kyla that day.  We had no idea this would happen, not that day.  I struggled so much in my mind and in my heart on how to handle this with you.  In the end I did take you to the vet to see her, and to say goodbye to her.  You weren't there for her final breaths, but you did come to say goodbye.  You wanted to bring her a toy, her silly pink goose like toy, so we took it with us.  Kyla was sleeping because of some medicine they had to give her, so you laid it by her head and gave her a kiss and a hug and told her goodbye.  Opa drove you back home while Mommy and Daddy finished saying goodbye too.  I still have that pink goose in my car.  I know that all my crying really upset you, and I tried really hard not to overwhelm you with my emotions, but also not to hide them from you either.  We all learned a lot that day, that week, that month, and since.  About life, death, and everything in between.  What a hard lesson for you to learn, my sweet boy.  I hope I have been there for you as much as you have been for me.

You're in a class now at the Little Gym, and you love it.  You did gymnastics over the summer and that was really hard for you, it was your first class away from me and boy was it painful for both of us.  I probably wrote about that in my last entry.  You then took a couple of other classes (sports) at the rec center, and did well with those, and then you just LOVE this one, it's sort of like a gymnastics class.  Eventually I'd love to get you into Tae Kwon Do and soccer, but one thing at a time :)

We took you (as we always do) to Red Robin for your birthday, boy do you love their Mac n Cheese.  You didn't want to turn 4 (I think you thought you would grow bigger overnight) at first because you were so worried that I wouldn't be able to carry you anymore, but I think I have convinced you that I'll be able to hold you for as long as you want me to.  You're so sweet.

You're getting practically all transformers toys for birthday/Christmas this year, you are still SO in love with them.  I can't even believe you can transform them, they are HARD!

Ok love, have to get back to work and then get home to see you!  It's only 5 degrees and I have some beef stew in the crockpot.  Wonder if you'll eat any? :)

I love you, you are my light and every beat of my heart.

Love, Mommy

3.5!

Dear Jameson,

Boy have we been busy lately!!  Of course, it's been way too long yet again.. I'll try to catch up!

Yesterday was a BIG day.  You had your first dentist appointment!  You're really good about letting me brush your teeth so I know they are nice and healthy.  You did so well.. I had no idea honestly that they were going to floss them, clean them, pick at them, scrape them, and paint them with flouride!  You weren't all that crazy about the cleaning, but you stayed strong and I held your hand and told you how awesome you are.  They gave you a coin to get a 'prize' and a new toothbrush and special package of cool spiderman tooth stuff!  The dentist also talked to you about your pacifiers.  He said that your pacifiers were hurting your teeth, and effecting your bite.  On the way home we talked about it.  I reminded you that the offer still stands to trade in your pacis for any toy you want at the toy store.. and you said you wanted to!  Though I know you're not able to really think long term, and I think you might really regret making a decision like that.. we did it.  I couldn't be more proud of you.  You helped me pack up your pacis, put them in a baggy and take them to the store.  You told them goodbye, and we found some awesome toys (Rescue Bots fire station and police station) and gave them to the worker there.

And then reality set in.  And my heart broke into a million tiny pieces for you.  You are trying SO hard to be strong.  You are trying SO hard not to break.. but I can see how sad you are, and how you're trying not to be.  I keep telling you that it's ok to feel sad about it, that growing up can be hard sometimes, but there's super cool things about growing up too.  I can't even think about it without going into tears.   It will hopefully sound SO silly and like such a small deal, but this is a HUGE deal.  You are so emotionally attached to them.  They have provided you an escape, a soothing, a comfort, a "time out" for three and a half years, and for that to be completely gone in an instant, regardless of who's decision it was (I tried to make it yours!!), has got to be REALLY hard to deal with.  You're dealing with it better than I ever probably could have.. You amaze me every time we go through something hard.  You are so wise beyond your years, and one of the strongest and most resiliant people I have ever met, I'm always in awe of your abilities to move along in life with a smile on your face.

You have been potty trained for a LONG time now, but you still wont poop on the toilet.  You HAVE.. but you wont if it's a choice.  We will keep working on that, not quite sure what the issue might be, but I doubt that's much you would like me to get into here in your memory 'blog' :)

Your newest obsession is Transformers toys.  It started with Rescue Bots (they are for toddlers) but now it's any and everything.  Movies, toys, videos on youtube, you love them.  You pretend to be one, usually Bumblebee or Optimus Prime.. you transform making the sound "Mee Mo Mee Mop", which I'm pretty sure your Opa taught you, it's so funny!

You're a very social, friendly, funny little guy.  More and more you're loving playing with other kids and making friends. A neighbor kid, Brandon, (he's 6) comes over every once in a while, also Aisley (she's 5) down the street is one of your friends too.  I take you out with some of my work friends and their kids sometimes too.  Most recently we went to this farm up in Longmont called "Sunflower Farm" with your friends Emily and Sidney.  There was a hay bale maze, tons of animals, hammocks, treehouses and other things, it was such a fun outing!  We also make lots of trips to places like the Aquarium, Nature and Science Museum, the mall (I'm getting a little tired of that lol), parks, and Jumpstreet.

You are (still,and I'm sure always) so sweet.  You love deeply, you're thoughtful, you're affectionate.  I think it's just part of your core being, it's beautiful.

I still rock you to sleep, and like I keep reminding you, I will until you tell me not to.

You're able to put on your own underwear (and pants/shorts if you'd try!) take off your socks and shoes.

You sleep great, and even better now that it's been about a week after the pacifier trade in (I obviously started and finished this post a week apart, sorry about that.. you keep me very busy!).  Usually in bed around 8:45, and sleep til 7:30 or 8.

You are eating pretty well, I think more of the work on that needs to come from our end, to quit offering you easy (bad for you) stuff, and keep challenging ourselves finding nutritionally sound choices for you.  You still adore mac n cheese, pizza.. chicken nuggets, all those typical "kid" things that are loaded with fat salt and carbs haha.  You do take your vitamin, you're better about drinking juices and milk, eating fruit.  Vegetables not so much, but I'm pretty sure you're not the first toddler to turn your nose up to green things.

Oma and Opa spend a lot of time with you, they adore you..and you adore them.  It's a beautiful relationship to observe, we are very lucky to have them and all their love and help.

You have your last (of 6) gymnastics class this week.  Thank goodness.  Actually, you've done great the past couple of weeks, but the first few were really hard for both of us.  It's the first time you've been in a class 'away' from me, (I'm actually watching from windows just outside the gym) and we were both in tears (I don't think you saw me in tears though).  You have done GREAT though, even through the tears you were trying really hard to listen to the teachers.  We give each other "thumbs up" through the class to say hello and that you're doing a great job.. though you usually use your pointer finger instead of your thumb.  You listen to instructions really well, and by the end of each class you really seem to have fun!  The first couple you did cry like I said, but the beginning of the class is super slow and you have to sit in a circle and do some stretching exercises.  You kept crying and looking back at me saying 'MAMA!'.  Broke my heart.. really really did.. but I knew it was best for you to go through this experience.  Not that gymnastics is something you 'have' to do, but there will be things (like school) that you have to do, away from my arms.. and it will suck a little bit for both of us, and I want you to be prepared so that it's not a totally new concept for you, eventually.

Daddy still has Wednesdays off with you, it's great that you have the time together. Usually you guys go on errands, eat fast food, and hit a park to play for a while.  You really look up to Daddy, and you are always excited when he has time at home with us and when we all play together, especially.

Ok, there are about a million other things that I could write, but hopefully I've touched on the basics just to keep things up to date on how awesome you are.

Every single time I think I can't possibly love you more than I do, I wake up the next day even more in love with you than I have ever been.  You make my life so happy and complete, you challenge me, you provide such fun, entertainment, tenderness, and of course love like I've never even imagined.  Thank you.

Love, Mommy