4!!

Dear Jameson,

Hello my sweet boy!

Oh my goodness how do I even catch up with all that is you now.

You haven't used a pacifier since that dentist appointment I wrote about last time I posted, it broke my heart more than it did yours I think, but we're all over that now.

You are also now FULLY POTTY TRAINED!!! Geeze that was a tough one for you, you are so stubborn!

You're sleeping really well, other than some random 6 week bout of waking 5ish times through the night.  Not sure what was up with that, but it was brutal!  How did we ever survive your newborn phase?

You eat really well too, you're just a normal picky toddler.  You surprise me sometimes, and I need to remember to keep offering you new things, even though 99% of the time you may not like them, that 1% got you started eating asparagus of all things, so we'll keep on trying :)  You love having a tortilla with cheese for breakfast, grapes, sometimes pancakes, eggs, or a breakfast sandwich. Your all time love is still mac n cheese, followed by a close second-Pizza!  You actually like a lot of different fruits- watermelon, grapes, kiwi, pineapple, apples, mixed fruit cups, applesauce.  I don't think you like oranges, that's ok I don't either.

You're talking like a little adult now of course.  You constantly say things and I'm like "What did you just say!?" because you blow my mind all the time.  Just the other day (you have a little cold right now), I had to take your temperature so I took mine first.  I told you mine and asked you what you thought yours was going to be and you said "It's going to be '4 without a cold!'", we both laughed hysterically.  You're so smart, and so funny!

You're also so sweet, that tender heart of yours is still just as sweet and tender as it's always been.  It brings me to tears sometimes how out of nowhere you'll stop what you're doing and run over to me and grab me in a hug and say "I love you mama", for absolutely no reason (other than you are just so freakin' happy and because you love me! :) ).

You still say "anything" in place of "nothing", though I think that's changing.  If I ask you what you just did (when you have a look of trouble on your face), you'll say "Anything!", it's so funny (usually.).
I was trying to get you to stop saying "yeah" "yep" "nah" and "nope" and now you correct me or anyone else around you if we say it.  Apparently we all say those words a LOT.  Thanks for reminding me 100 x a day.

We've taken you to several movies now, you just love them. Your first was Monsters Inc, and that didn't go over so well but recently you've seen Planes, Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs, Free Birds, and Frozen.  Oma and Opa took you to an Imax too, and you loved it.

On a sad note, we lost one of our pups in August.  It broke mommy's heart, and it was really hard to navigate my own grief while trying to tend to yours. I hope I helped you through it ok, I hope I was as sensitive to your feelings as I should have been.  Sometimes I have a hard time taking care of both me AND you 100%, you definitely get the better of it, but some things in life are a little overwhelming so I just hope that as we go on with life and things that happen that I'm there to guide you in the best way ever.  As sad as it is, I do have to make note of how much you helped me that awful day.

It was a Monday, early in the day around 11 or so.  We were watching transformers on the computer (you reminded me of this later) and we heard some funny noises going on in the bedroom, so I ran in there to see what was going on.  Poor sweet Kyla was stumbling around and unable to walk very well, so I ran to her and pulled her down with me to the floor and rubbed her little face and told her it was ok.  You ran in with me, and you were the best little helper I could have asked for.  I yelled for you to grab my phone, and you did it in what seemed like half a second!  I then yelled for you to put Sebastian outside, and you did, just like that, no problem.  I don't need to go into the rest of the details of that day here that had nothing to do with YOU, but lets fast forward a few hours.  We ended p finding out that we'd lose Kyla that day.  We had no idea this would happen, not that day.  I struggled so much in my mind and in my heart on how to handle this with you.  In the end I did take you to the vet to see her, and to say goodbye to her.  You weren't there for her final breaths, but you did come to say goodbye.  You wanted to bring her a toy, her silly pink goose like toy, so we took it with us.  Kyla was sleeping because of some medicine they had to give her, so you laid it by her head and gave her a kiss and a hug and told her goodbye.  Opa drove you back home while Mommy and Daddy finished saying goodbye too.  I still have that pink goose in my car.  I know that all my crying really upset you, and I tried really hard not to overwhelm you with my emotions, but also not to hide them from you either.  We all learned a lot that day, that week, that month, and since.  About life, death, and everything in between.  What a hard lesson for you to learn, my sweet boy.  I hope I have been there for you as much as you have been for me.

You're in a class now at the Little Gym, and you love it.  You did gymnastics over the summer and that was really hard for you, it was your first class away from me and boy was it painful for both of us.  I probably wrote about that in my last entry.  You then took a couple of other classes (sports) at the rec center, and did well with those, and then you just LOVE this one, it's sort of like a gymnastics class.  Eventually I'd love to get you into Tae Kwon Do and soccer, but one thing at a time :)

We took you (as we always do) to Red Robin for your birthday, boy do you love their Mac n Cheese.  You didn't want to turn 4 (I think you thought you would grow bigger overnight) at first because you were so worried that I wouldn't be able to carry you anymore, but I think I have convinced you that I'll be able to hold you for as long as you want me to.  You're so sweet.

You're getting practically all transformers toys for birthday/Christmas this year, you are still SO in love with them.  I can't even believe you can transform them, they are HARD!

Ok love, have to get back to work and then get home to see you!  It's only 5 degrees and I have some beef stew in the crockpot.  Wonder if you'll eat any? :)

I love you, you are my light and every beat of my heart.

Love, Mommy